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Being Dad

  • 3 minutes to read
  • Published on 16 June 2025
  • Written by Dylan

To mark International Father’s Mental Health Day 2025, Parent Champion Dylan reflects on his parenthood journey so far and provides some useful tips for other dads like him.

Being Dad blog image

Dylan from Newport is a parent to a three-year-old girl.  

Dylan has been volunteering with Anna Freud as part of our group of Parent Champions since March 2024. As part of this, he has helped review publications and taken part in webinars on pioneering research in mental health. Support from dads like Dylan is designed to help us improve what we do for the mental health of children, young people and families. 

In this blog, Dylan reflects on the impact that becoming a father has had on his self-identity as well as the importance of having a community group of fathers for his wellbeing. He also highlights how being a father has helped him to reconsider and re-evaluate his own adverse childhood experiences and the mental health difficulties he’s experienced.  

The most rewarding thing I have done 

Becoming a father is the most rewarding thing I have done in my life, seeing my daughter smile and giggle brings me endless joy; it literally warms my soul. But it has come with challenges that I’m sure all parents will experience.  

For me, becoming a dad was something that I wanted and pursued with the love of my life. I was really worried about things going wrong but, luckily, even with a few extra hospital trips, our little girl was born healthy.  

Things came upon me by surprise 

Many of my worries - like ‘how do I take care of such a small delicate thing?’ - came and went as I realised how to take on my parental duties.  

However, other things came upon me by surprise, namely a large identity change. I was no longer this young man, I’m now a dad. Much of this new identity was very much welcomed but it did come with some extras I didn’t expect.  

I now have to juggle work and spending time with family. I’ve tried my very best to not let work get in the way of family time but I’m also very mindful, like many dads or parents who are the main breadwinner, that I need to provide that financial stability.  

Less support when I’m struggling 

While a strain, this has been okay to manage, but it has meant that I spend far less time now with my friends. Not only does this mean less time for frivolity and childish shenanigans, which are of course endlessly important, it also means less time to have that social support for when I’m struggling.  

My wife is always there to support me but sometimes it can be helpful to have someone else to speak with. At times it can be really helpful to not talk and just be with a friend. But those opportunities have become less. Out of necessity I have taken to speaking with my friends more online which is helpful and organising semi-regular meet ups.  

A problem of stereotypes 

Another element of the dad identity, at least for me, is being treated like the second parent. This is always the case and sometimes maybe it’s justified, I am there less often than my wife, a mother and child bond is clearly very significant. But so is mine. This is something I have challenged as much as I can. I’m sure many dads will have had a cringe as some sweet lady kindly condescends them for doing a good job taking care of the kids for the day.  

Ultimately, I think this is a problem of stereotypes, that the most famous dad on TV is Homer Simpson but that’s not me. I have really enjoyed taking my daughter to a monthly father’s morning at a community centre. This has been a great opportunity to spend time with my daughter and see her play with other children. It also allows me to speak to other dads and share in our experiences.  

Improving my relationship with my parents  

Finally, and most importantly, as someone who grew up with adverse childhood experiences and has had mental health difficulties, I have been intensely mindful of not wanting those experiences for my daughter.  However, the experience of becoming and being dad has helped me to reconsider and re-evaluate those experiences. At least for me, it’s been helpful to imagine what it might have been like for my parents to parent for the first time. It’s also offered chances to improve my relationships with my parents and see them be grandparents. It’s not perfect and still has challenges but it’s getting better all the time. Being a dad is the best job, but it has challenges that need to be addressed. These are always easier if they are shared with others.  

My self-care tips for dads to maintain good mental health 

1. Self-care not self-sacrifice 

I’ve heard many dads say ‘they’d do anything for their children’, but often that seems to be struggling through to achieve wellness for their families. However, I think I am my best self and the best dad when I take the time to look after myself. For me that involves running in the countryside. This can take a lot of time so to mediate this, I bought a running pushchair and take my daughter with me. 

2. Try to ‘be’ rather than ‘do’

I really enjoy being driven, finding new challenges or projects and trying to achieve them. On the other side of the coin, it can be beneficial to appreciate just being in the moment and not trying to achieve anything. Although I’ve found it hard to begin with, I’ve found my mental health is better when I’m practising mindfulness or meditation. This can be a dedicated practice or paying attention to the bugs and leaves that catch my daughter’s eyes.   

3. Share your struggles with others 

A problem shared, is a problem halved, as the saying goes. I’m not sure half is a correct measure, but it always helps to get things off your chest. This can be talking to family or friends or seeking professional support. Either in detail or just saying ‘Things are hard right now’. Sharing a problem, helps to give perspective on difficulties and social support.    

Some useful links